Book Review: Townsend's "Beyond Boundaries"

Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships by John Townsend

In his latest work, Beyond Boundaries, well known psychologist Townsend meets those of us who were left on the edge of wondering after reading the Boundaries book, "getting it," and then waking up to find that we still had these people in our lives or wanted to know how to make sure we don't just get different versions of the original boundlessness relationships we had in the first place. I should pause here and tell you that I was given a copy of this book via Net Galley (a fabulous way to read the latest and greatest on your e-reader) and that Zondervan has not paid me for my comments, nor have they required that I leave a positive review. This is all me.

As you might have guessed, I was one of the people who got to the last page of Boundaries and thought, "well, that's great but now what?" When I saw this followup was due out, I was excited to move a little further. And, in some ways, I think I did. What left me sort of hanging about this is that Townsend focuses more on how to form NEW relationships with totally NEW people. For those of us who are hoping to form boundaries with the people we had issues with before and learn to trust them again, this might help but it's not the ace in the hole I think all of us look for when we turn to so called "self-help." All in all, it is a nice followup, though, just not in the direction I wanted it to go in. Townsend does mention re-trusting those who have broken trust in the past but not at the level that I think people who are staring down that barrel need to find. That being said, I respect Dr. Townsend and will always be interested to see what he has to share next. For those starting new relationships, read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend first, then, when you realize you are doing some things kind of wacky in your relationships (as I believe we all do from time to time), go with Beyond Boundaries.

The Narrow Gate & Some Big Buts

Well, if the title didn't get you here, thanks for coming by anyhow. The little bloggie has a bit of a face lift since I've been on blogging hiatus for several months now. Here is one of my latest musings:

I have conversations that go on just between the Lord and I. Granted, since a lot of them seem to happen while I'm driving, people who see me talking to myself probably think I've got some kind of exhaust fume problem happening. A few weeks ago I was having a bit of a debate about some decisions that I've been facing that all of us deal with at some point or another and I was replaying my ramblings to myself when I realized something: every statement I contributed to the conversation started with, "Well, yes, BUT..." and then I would fill in the blank with why the truth that I knew from God's word just might need an exception - you know, just this one time.

We all have big "buts" in our lives that we have to deal with... some of us, more than others. If you think about it, you know how they start out: "I should tell that person about Jesus, BUT they might think I'm weird." / "That's probably not what I should be doing, BUT its what is accepted by the majority right now." / "I know what God's word says about this, BUT I don't like that right now." and on, and on. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't want to be guilty of making a decision when I know that I'll have to ask for forgiveness for it later. When we get right down to it, there is no excuse we could come up with that would trump the word of God. Period.

Back to my title for the evening. You see, there's this narrow gate Jesus told us about. He said that there is a narrow gate that leads to life and only a few find it. There's also a wide gate and it leads to destruction. That reminds me of a car company's commercial a few years ago that said that wider is better. I beg to differ. Wider might seem more comfortable and many choose a wider road because it's more accommodating for those of us bringing our big buts on board. The only problem with that is that road leads to death and last I checked, that was the opposite direction we wanted to go.

So, I don't know about you but I'm thinking I need to get on the narrow road and leave my big buts behind (pun intended). It's not nearly as spacious and might require me to leave some things behind but really, if it's not getting me to the feet of Jesus, it's just extra baggage that I don't need anyhow.

Elizabeth

A dog in snow... with boots!

Ok, so I haven't blogged since September. I was finishing a Master's degree and preparing to reopen a public library. Today is a snow day so I might have more to say later on.

In the meantime, please enjoy my too cute dog, Lucy, as she plods through the snow in her snow boots.

"He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.'" - Job 37:5-7

Elizabeth

Fat Birds

Admittedly, it has been far too long since I had a thought to "ponder." Truth be told, I have several thoughts but I rarely get them to the screen. Today's ramblings are centered on the lack of skinny or starving birds in the world. Join me on this train of thought.

A few weeks ago I was driving in to work (slightly behind schedule) and having a day where I was feeling sorry for myself. Now that I think about it, I can't even really think what I as whining to God about, but at this point it should have the auditory equivalent to a broken record. I was just leaning in to a nice pout when out of no where a bird that I can only assume was on some sort of kamikaze mission swooped in front of my car. Now there is always a chance that given the egg-like shape and color of my car, that this little birdie thought that he had found his nest. The real situation was that he spotted some morsel of food in the direct line of my vehicle. At this point I realize some of you might be squirming at the fate of tweeter. I'm happy to report that it narrowly missed and returned to his perch on a road sign.

Its always amazing to me how something as insignificant as bird breakfast can change your line of thought. That bird surprised me out of my midmorning mope and something brand new hit me between the eyes. I have never seen a skinny bird. I'm sure they exist somewhere, but they aren't migrating my direction. I've never seen a starving bird on one of those tear jerker ASPCA commercials. The closest outcry I can think of for hungry birds is "Feed the Birds" from Mary Poppins. Here's why it matters...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

That's from Matthew 6. This is why the health of the bird matters to me - their Heavenly Father feeds them and I'm worth even more than a bird to Him. So while I tend to want to lose myself in worries that can't possibly all come to fruition, I should be basking in the thought that My God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.

Just food for thought today... heaven knows the birds have plenty!

Elizabeth

Flip the Switch

As I was listening to my favorite radio station a few days ago (KVNE out of Tyler), I heard a sort of Christian public service announcement talking about being the light of the world… and it got me to thinking as most things do.

We are probably all familiar with most of the passages en la biblia telling us that Jesus is the light of the world and that we also are to be the light of the world because we belong to him. I think I have a t-shirt somewhere that says something to the effect. And you know, if they put it on a t-shirt, it must be true.

While soaking in these verses I had a thought that I don’t know if I’ve ever had. You probably have had it, so this might be old news. I’ve searched the Word this morning and can’t find any place we are told to go into the darkness and yell at it for being dark. Do you know where that scripture is?

Conversely, the one that I find in Matthew says that we are to let our light shine before men. The image I get here is walking into my darkened bedroom and yelling that it sure is dark in here. What is accomplished by my telling the darkness that it is, in fact, dark? No kidding, there is no light which by default means that it will be dark. God worked that whole thing out in Genesis. What's more, we are told that the those in the dark are so used to it and hate the light that they don't even comprehend it. And, dear friends, how will they unless we show them what the light looks like? Go ahead and try explaining what darkness is without including light in the definition somewhere. I can just imagine what you would think to find me standing in the dark, screaming about how dark it is, and holding a fully charged flashlight in my hand. Looney. This concept of turning on the light should not be all that shocking to me. So why then does it shock us when we go into the world which we are told is in blackout mode and instead of turning on our light for others to see it is easier for us to hate the darkness than flip the switch in our own lives?

Instead of accusing the darkness of being dark and continuing to stay in the dark room, what must happen is that I must have some action on my part. I must choose to love the light more than the dark and because of this I will let the light shine. 1 John 2 says that if we say we are in the light but we hate our brother – get this – we aren’t in the light at all. Basically, we are screaming in the dark.

Time to flip the switch.

Elizabeth

Asking too many questions...

Tonight’s thought from left orbit comes from Lifetime’s constant reruns of Grey’s Anatomy. I know. Horrible show. I’ve almost decided that every immoral act that can be committed will be captured on film via this show before it hits the final taping. That being said and confessions being what they are, I was watching Grey’s Anatomy. Contain your disappointment and shock and kindly continue reading please.

What is causing tonight’s ponderation (I looked it up – it’s a word. It means “the act of weighing” which I kind of don’t like since my last name resembles that remark) was brought on by one of the lines from tonight’s repeat. I don’t really remember exactly what was happening, but I know at some point a patient at the hospital was told that she had some type of tumor and she looked at the ceiling and repeatedly screamed “Come on!” every time that a doctor told her something else about her illness. When someone finally asked her what she was doing she just said, “Where is God?” I’ve let that ruminate for a couple of hours now. Allow me to refract some light in a different direction.

I think as humans we spend a lot of time asking that same question. Something goes wrong and we look to the sky and ask, “Well, where were You?” I’m not going to type here that I haven’t done the same thing more than I care to admit. Somehow we think God was tardy or that He has an unexcused absence that will now go on His permanent record. “I’ll remember that next time, God,” we like to think. Here’s the spin.

Maybe God would ask us the same question. It struck me that right after this character on the show asked God where He was (like she was calling attendance in homeroom as if God’s going to call out ‘Present’) she then explained to the doctors that she had just lost her boyfriend and it was somehow connected to this tumor which had caused him to leave her for some reason I don’t have the energy to remember. Then she went on to explain how great the sex had been. Notice she was talking about her boyfriend. Not her husband. So I wonder tonight, should and does God ask us the very same question?

Or has He already asked us this question? Look at the very first thing that gets past the lips of God when Adam and Eve decide that they know what is better for themselves in the garden --

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" “ Genesis 3:8-9

So again, I wonder why we don’t realize that God could ask us the very same thing. Oh we want his blessings. In fact, if you think about it (and none of us like to), God blesses us and we stand up and ask for more in nearly every prayer some of us pray. Sometimes I wonder if the word bless is almost as common in a prayer as the word amen. That’s another story. Back to my original pondering for this evening.

So here’s question to replace your question to God regarding his whereabouts during your trial (yes, whether you think you had it coming or not) – Elizabeth (insert your name here), where were YOU? Friends, the answer to that is not going to be nearly as beautiful as I would like it to be. Where was I when that person needed some encouragement? I was worried about getting the words right. Where was I when my friend needed to be confronted in love? I was keeping the proverbial boat steady for my own peace of mind. Flip over to Matthew 25. Where was I when the least of these was hungry? I was going back for seconds. Where was I when the least of these was sick? I was making sure that my life was sterile and safe. Where was I when the least of these was in prison? I was out enjoying my freedom. Where was I when the least of these sat naked in the forgotten corner of society? I was out buying another pair of shoes.

Kind of sucks all of the fun right out of calling God on the stuff that I don’t like. Maybe, just maybe my life has this stuff that I don’t particularly like in it right now because God is calling me to something bigger and He’s got to get me ready. Don't hear me say that God and I have a relationship where He only does for me when I do for Him. The Lord knows that I would be about a zillion tally marks behind Him on that list. Maybe my point is that I need to stop using so many question marks and start using the words Thy will be done a whole lot more.

Those are the thoughts.

Elizabeth

The What Am I Supposed to Do With That? Book Club OR Called to look like an idiot

For those of you who don’t know, writing this blog is not my day job. I know this must come as a shock. Actually, my day job is to be a professional nerd. I’m a librarian. Bun and horn-rimmed glasses not included… yet. It goes without saying that I am also a reader. Don’t hang up yet – I’m getting to something. Occasionally in my personal reading I come across a few books that shake up my thinking and I have started calling them my “What am I supposed to do with this?!” book club. It started with Sarah Cunningham’s Dear Church: Letters from a Disillusioned Generation. That one I read on accident – or so I say. Following that came a Francis Chan’s Crazy Love which I have now read several times and recommend it to innocent bystanders at random. It’s a job hazard, really. Most recently, a guy named Shane Claiborne and a girl named Jen Hatmaker are doing their best to mess with me. That’s what I call it when writers make me question things I’ve never thought to question or maybe never wanted to because it meant I might have to do something different. And let’s face it… who in this world wants to be different?

Jen Hatmaker spoke at a Women’s Conference I went to with some people last month. She talked about being interrupted. Since I usually seem to exist in a semi-interrupted state, this held particular interest for me. In her talk, she touched on some things that the Holy Spirit had already begun to stir in me. So, I did what any good bibliophile would do – I bought her book. Oddly enough, it’s called Interrupted. From her book, I found out about Shane Claiborne’s book The Irresistible Revolution. I said all of this to get to my point. I’m big on providing background.

In his book, Claiborne talks about all kind of earth flipping things but what stands out to me the most tonight is who it is that God calls and what it does for your social status when He does give you the shout out. Prepare for an earth shattering statement (be thankful I warned you… nobody warned me): We are not called to be cool. Take a moment there and let that soak in.

Think about our heroes of faith for a moment will you and I will show you why instead, culturally, we very well can end up looking like lunatics. Moses: murderer turned leader who is told by God in the presence of his whole culture to first strike a rock with a stick and bring forth water and then the second time around he is told (and disobeys) to speak to the rock to have water. No cool points there. (Sure, God gets cool points, but Moses could have looked like a real nut) Then we have King David: He danced before the Lord in worship which did not please his wife. He even said that he would gladly look like a fool before His God. Imagine that! Moving on to Noah: Here’s a guy who built a cruise ship on land. No further explanation necessary on that one. Speed down to the NT and we have a whole host of brothers and sisters who spent time in a dungeon and died for this gospel of ours. I’m sure the Apostle Paul was somewhat of a black sheep in his family. I could go on and on.

You see, God doesn’t call us to be cool. He doesn’t call us to do the things that make sense to our culture. He doesn’t call us to fit in. He doesn’t call us to do what seems normal or look out for our own interests. Not at all.

Instead, He calls us to something much better. He calls us to bring glory to His name in the way that we trust Him and honor Him with our lives.

And that’s as far as I've gotten tonight. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all of this.